The Beaverton

Local cuck ‘cucksplaining’ why he’s not a cuck

WINNIPEG, MB – Contrary to anyone who has met the man, local cuck, Charles Bennington, known to many in the community as “Chuck the Cuck,” has reportedly been “cucksplaining” to anyone who will listen how he’s not, by his measure, a complete SJW cuck.

“Uhh, technically, I’m not even married,” Bennington’s cuck mouth said in an interview. “It’s impossible for me to be cuckolded by definition.”

EDITORIAL by Conservative Blonde Lady Pundit 64B: “You think you’re such special snowflakes because you weren’t grown in a lab”

As a leading Conservative Blonde Lady Pundit in this divided political climate, I get a lot of flack from commie haters and sensitive social justice warriors. And I’ve got a message for them: You think you’re so special and unique just because you aren’t one of a legion of identical clones engineered in a lab. Well, I’m not buying it.

5 destination wedding spots to find out which friends like you $3000 worth

A wedding is a beautiful celebration of love. Two people’s love for each other but also their friends and families’ love for them. However, as we all know love is ephemeral until quantified by a cash amount. These 5 wedding destinations are a great way to test which friends love you thousands and not just hundreds of dollars worth.

Historians confirm BC’s second premier was Canada’s first hipster

VICTORIA – A group of historians at the University of Victoria have confirmed that British Columbia’s second premier, , was the earliest hipster to settle in Canada.

Dr. H. Luke Grimshaw and his research team at UVic have spent two years attempting to determine which Canadian was the first trailblazing member of this trend-setting subculture.

Single family of 700 upset all Conservative Party memberships rejected

MISSION, BC – A very large family of over 700 are disappointed to hear that the had rejected all of their party memberships under the suspicion that they were acquired fraudulently.

John Smith, the family’s patriarch, explained that all of his members from his immediate family are aged 14 and older and live in a three bedroom home.