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CANADA – In the lead-up to the inauguration of an openly xenophobic US president, Canada is taking a moment to quietly congratulate itself on only being very racist.
“Obviously, we’re not as bad as the United States,” said every single person in the country at some point, holding themselves to the most dismal possible standard. “So we’ve got that going for us.”
Canadians learn About Gandhi and serial killer Gilles de Rais, and the results will shock you! #BeavFeed
The post Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais appeared first on The Beaverton.
TORONTO – In a recent public appearance, Kathleen Wynne did that thing where she gestures with both hands again.
“Oh yup, there she goes,” said local woman Jane Green. “That’s her gesture that she does.”
Sometimes it’s difficult to make things happen. If you’re a millennial throwing your life away on technology, social media conversations, and a dream that you will one day be able to own a house, being productive is a challenge. Luckily, looking productive can be easy if you’re ready to take charge, rise to the occasion and fake it with all your heart.
SUDBURY – Prominent sorcerer of darkness Ragnicius the Cobbled has recently announced plans to reappropriate the term “millennial” to denote the demographic of wizards born before the first thousandth annum.
VANCOUVER – As he took stock of his week on Saturday afternoon, local 26 year-old Kyle Allen realized that he had spent more time thinking about croissants than about the two people who conceived and raised him.
“Well, what do you know? I would’ve thought it would be the other way around,” said Allen, enjoying a late brunch. “I’ll have to apologize for that when I email them next month.”
HALIBURTON, ON – Whether it be a public broadcaster, a crowdfunded investigative journalist’s website, a local news station, or a privately-owned newspaper of note, any source local man Brent Jacinzki disagrees with is part of a vast conspiracy to stifle conservative thought.
“Lamestream media at it again,” said Jacinzki in the comments section of a ‘theweathernetwork.com’ article about cold fronts in the Maritimes. “Wish I was surprised.”