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WINNIPEG, MB – Contrary to anyone who has met the man, local cuck, Charles Bennington, known to many in the community as “Chuck the Cuck,” has reportedly been “cucksplaining” to anyone who will listen how he’s not, by his measure, a complete SJW cuck.
“Uhh, technically, I’m not even married,” Bennington’s cuck mouth said in an interview. “It’s impossible for me to be cuckolded by definition.”
TORONTO – 26-year-old Samuel Griff shakes his head disdainfully as he recollects the countless times his podcast recommendations have been dismissed by friends, family, and co-workers.
“I just wish that people would help me help them by taking my podcast picks seriously,” said Griff while struggling to open a bottle of Soylent.
As a leading Conservative Blonde Lady Pundit in this divided political climate, I get a lot of flack from commie haters and sensitive social justice warriors. And I’ve got a message for them: You think you’re so special and unique just because you aren’t one of a legion of identical clones engineered in a lab. Well, I’m not buying it.
A wedding is a beautiful celebration of love. Two people’s love for each other but also their friends and families’ love for them. However, as we all know love is ephemeral until quantified by a cash amount. These 5 wedding destinations are a great way to test which friends love you thousands and not just hundreds of dollars worth.
VICTORIA – A group of historians at the University of Victoria have confirmed that British Columbia’s second premier, Amor De Cosmos, was the earliest hipster to settle in Canada.
Dr. H. Luke Grimshaw and his research team at UVic have spent two years attempting to determine which Canadian was the first trailblazing member of this trend-setting subculture.
Markam, ON — Tragedy struck a family home Tuesday morning after local father Russ Melman cut the spout of a milk bag too wide.
Mr. Melman said he immediately realized his mistake, but the damage had already been done.
Melman’s daughter Allison was the first to bear the brunt of her father’s grave misdoing.
MISSION, BC – A very large family of over 700 are disappointed to hear that the Conservative Party of Canada had rejected all of their party memberships under the suspicion that they were acquired fraudulently.
John Smith, the family’s patriarch, explained that all of his members from his immediate family are aged 14 and older and live in a three bedroom home.
KELOWNA – This afternoon while driving down Highway 97 with his family, local man Edward Dunn brought his car to a screeching halt after noticing the top-grade gravel that somebody had left on the side of the road.