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Ultra-hip new restaurant revealed to be just stalled escalator

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Sun, 08 Jan 2017 20:04:29 +0000

—An “amazing” new which has been delighting patrons since its surprise opening two weeks ago has been revealed to be merely a stalled escalator in the middle of a downtown commercial office building.

The location, which was variously referred to as “oh yeah this must be the place” and “I think maybe it’s called “LIFT”?” began to attract attention after passersby noticed a knot of commuters gathered at the nonfunctional escalator’s base. Patrons reportedly waited for upwards of fifty minutes before taking their first steps onto the escalator.

“People just saw a long line and assumed it was for a cool new place,” explained escalator repair technician Marc Lin, before turning and slowly banging his head on a wall several times.

Despite the long waits, patrons referred to the time spent at the bottom of the escalator as “more than worth it.”

“I’m a total ,” explained customer Rick Harvey, “So while I was enjoying the industrial décor and playful ambiance created by someone playing a bucket drum somewhere, I really just wanted to get started.”

Yet even given the new location’s cache, many guests expressed pleasant surprise at the seriousness with which the staff did their jobs.

“I can’t believe the dedication of the servers” reported local food blogger Mara David who had shown up to cover the restaurant after a friend posted about it on . “It was an incredibly diverse and demanding menu for them. The hors d’oeuvre were being presented in plastic shopping bags, sometimes simply in take-out containers. But the staff was briskly walking up and down stairs with them almost as fast as if they were trying to catch a train! One server was running out an entire frozen lasagna. A+.”

David was also impressed with the knowledgeable recommendations of the waitstaff. “When I finally flagged one down and tried to order a drink she just sort of stared and told me she thought there was “an downstairs.””

“And there was! And pretty cheap cocktails for downtown, I must say.”

LIFT? has been rated well on Blog TO and Urban Spoon despite some criticisms about the high $15 cover “collected by a man in a touque who almost looked like he didn’t work there.”

Anthony Bouredain has also scheduled a visit to LIFT?, although he has assured his viewers that he had previously been to the restaurant “before it hit” in a promo reel.

At press time, LIFT? has received even more praise from critics after it began moving “to give guests an even more delightful experience with a revolving view.”

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